The Quarter-Life Crisis
by unknown
It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn’t know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.
You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren’t so great after all.
You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.
One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.
You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you’d just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
(http://www.cds.caltech.edu/~shane/text/quarterlifecrisis.html)
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Solving the quarter-life crisis
The process isn’t necessarily easy. Reprogramming a lifetime of expectations and societal pressure doesn’t happen overnight. And authors and experts have different programs for working through the process. But there are some basics that most seem to agree on:
Throw out the checklist
“Totally get rid of the age deadline thing,” Robbins said. “People treat the years between 20 and 30 as sort of a race, they’re so focused on the end goal of romance, career or social network or geographic location. Instead of trying to nail down everything, 20-somethings are better off trying to enjoy the journey, instead of looking at the end game. It’s healthy to make this a trial-and-error period.”
Stop comparing yourself to others
“We all have innate skills and abilities,” Hassler said. “We accept that we have different colors of hair, but we don’t accept having different abilities,” Hassler said. “Why should I be jealous of you because you play the piano? . . . It’s ridiculous the way we compare ourselves to each other.”
Plus, you never know the whole story. What may look like the perfect marriage may be on the brink of divorce. And that guy with the enviable six-figure salary may seem like he’s got it all together, but those 80-hour workweeks are taking a toll on his health and his relationships.
Set realistic goals
“Be specific about what you want,” Hassler said.
Instead of saying, “I want to be rich,” Hassler said it’s better to say, “I want a job that pays me $100,000 per year.” And then take steps that lead toward that goal.
“If we don’t give ourselves realistic goals,” Hassler said, “we just set up more opportunities to beat ourselves up and feel like failures.”
And give yourself time. The bigger, long-term goals are going to take longer to achieve. But breaking those goals into smaller, short-term goals can help keep things in focus, yet meet the need to feel like you’re making progress.
Understand the past
Really analyze your actions and what expectations jibe with your values and belief systems.
Hassler realized in her mid-20s that her desire to succeed and excel in a glitzy Hollywood job partly stemmed from childhood experiences.
“I was trying to prove to the popular group that I was cool and I wanted people to be jealous of me,” Hassler said. “But the truth is, they’ve long since forgotten about me, and by the time I got there, it didn’t even really matter at that point.”
Nurture yourself
“We put ourselves on a timeline, but something suffers,” Hassler said. “And with women, the thing that ends up suffering most is their own self-love, their self-confidence.”
So use your resources to rebuild yourself. Instead of spending the money to buy a purse or that autographed basketball, save the money and spend it on some therapy, if you think that will help, Hassler said.
Spend 20 minutes per day meditating instead of rushing to a lunch date or scheduling a facial or massage. Invest time in interests and activities that help you feel fulfilled. By cutting out relationships and activities that don’t add to your life, you can free up some of the time to pursue those interests you’ve been meaning to engage in.
Redefine yourself
So often, when people want to get to know someone, the first thing they ask is, “So, what do you do?”
But if you’re stuck in a job that you hate and is just sucking the soul out of you, your job is the last thing you want to define you.
Instead, Robbins suggests, try answering with something that more closely describes your personality.
“When you’re asked that question, don’t be afraid to answer with what’s most exciting at the time,” Robbins said. “Say, ‘I kayak on weekends’ or ‘I paint.’ “
Listen to yourself
“Changing your mind is a sign of growth,” Robbins said. “Allow yourself to forge different paths, instead of sticking with certain tracts just because you’ve invested so much time in it.”
If you know deep inside that the career path you’re currently on isn’t what you want to do, explore other options. Quitting law school or med school three-quarters of the way in is probably less costly financially and emotionally than sticking with it just because you’ve made it this far. Chances are that in a couple more years you’re only going to feel worse and be even more in debt than before.
“Use this time to be selfish and self-absorbed, but in a positive way,” Hassler said. “Investigate what you want. Then, in your 30s and 40s, you can just ride on that.”
(http://www.intakeweekly.com/articles/9/022152-6009-160.html)
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Posted by ngc0228 
Posted by ngc0228 
Posted by ngc0228 
